Archive for December, 2009


December 1, 2009

it is the first of december. again.
a day of raising awarenes, a day of action. it used to be a day of rememberance. and for me it still is, as i have no other day. or too many days of remembering.
although i do not go to town anymore, to the silent march. like so many others, not feeling right there, feeling out of place
somehow we managed even to convince ourselves that aids is not a gay desease, and although it was a necessety claim (and also true), we might have to start claiming it again as a gay disease.
they say live goes on – but in a way it does not. missing so many witnesses to my life it sometimes seems that i’m missing big parts of my life. and looking at myself i only now start slowly to understand the impact of it all.
and i believe we might should slowly try to understand what it means for our gay history, how aids changed our perspective on the times before aids, how it still does change us, how it changed our relationship to sex, community, and ourselves. and it might be slowly time again to discuss our desires, desires that can neither be safely canalized at all times, nor freely lived out at all times. it is a discussion that we have to maintain for us, a discussion that might never find an end, but that might enable us to live on better.